I’ve always thought this was pretty clear. If you pick the window, you control the window. If you need light or get claustrophobic, that’s exactly why aisle and window choices exist.
You handled it way more politely than most people would have. You explained, offered to switch, and still tried to keep the peace. The fact she wanted the aisle and still wanted to control your window is wild.
Also, it was a night flight. It’s not like there was some amazing view she was missing. Sleeping against the window with the shade down is totally normal.
End of the day, you’re not obligated to adjust your seat for someone else’s comfort when you’re not doing anything unreasonable. You did more than enough.
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