Not sure how to write this without sounding messy, but here goes. I’m 22, just finished nursing school, saved some money from summer jobs, and finally came to Asia alone. It was a dream for so long. And during the day, it really is beautiful and exciting and strange in a good way.
But at night, when the hostel lights go off, I feel so alone. Sometimes I lie there crying quietly because my thoughts won’t stop. About the future, work, what I’m doing with my life. I feel guilty spending my savings when I don’t have a clear plan or big purpose. Like I’m wasting time, even though I wanted this so badly.
I meet people, but it’s always temporary. One night you feel close, the next day they’re gone. It starts to feel like a series of small moments that don’t really connect to anything. I smile during the day, but inside I feel empty sometimes. I don’t want to worry my family, and then I feel stupid for being sad because this is what I chose.
I guess I just need to ask if this is normal. Do other solo travelers have nights like this? What do you tell yourself when the guilt creeps in about traveling without a life plan? Do you push yourself to be more social, or accept that some days are just lonely and that’s okay?
If you read this far, thank you. I just feel a bit lost tonight and hope I’m not the only one who’s felt this way.
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